So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
