I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
