I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
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I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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