btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
