How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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