a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
