Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
