getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
That accounts for only three of the penises
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This is my gift to your gina
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize