WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
