I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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