i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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