We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
