I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
