CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize