Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
