The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
