i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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