i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
