i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Randomize
