i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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