She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I wish there were birth control emojis
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
