So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
