she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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