did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
