I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
