is your mom at the bar?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
