He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
