I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
