TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
