I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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