hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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