Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
