Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
