I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
