Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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