I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
