she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
