Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
