did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
