Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
