If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
