I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
