so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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