I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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