My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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