Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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