I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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