I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
