I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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