I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
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