White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
