I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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