She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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