Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Dicks are not precious.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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