we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
