you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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