She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
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The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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