Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
