You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
