No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
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She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
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This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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