i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
