mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
