No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
You have to summon your inner elephant
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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