Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
