Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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