plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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