If that was your dad, he is hot
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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