Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
