I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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