just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize