when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
