did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
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