My hair reeks of homosexuality.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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