Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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