just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
