its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
