Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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