weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I am naked and annoyed.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
