is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
