the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
